User Profile

My name is Lori.

I was born in Connecticut, had an opportunity to move up and down the East Coast for a few years, and now reside back in Connecticut. Most people think of Connecticut and think that it's full of rich people (thank you Martha Stewart!) but this simply is not true. Even though my hubby and I own our own home (well...not really....the BANK owns it...ya know what I mean) we are FAR from monetarily rich. However, I consider myself one of the world's most richest people otherwise. I have Ron. I have my wonderful kids. I'm a damn lucky woman.

It wasn't always that way. I am twice divorced. This time, with Ron, I decided to try my hardest to get things right. Besides that, I've found my Prince Charming. A little about him: He's a career Navy man (23 years), I'm his second wife (was with the first for 20 years), and he is probably the most patient person breathing. He would have to be, to put up with the likes of ME!

OK....so, back to me....

I have kept a journal most of my life. This is the first opportunity I have to do so in this type of forum. The thing is....I really love to write. I truly love to read. I'm hoping that journaling in this forum will be therapeutic for me. There are so many things that I am doing, lately, for the same reason. I'm 42 years old, and am just now learning that I have a life to live--and that I'm worth the air that I intake and the space that I take up while breathing. It's a difficult lesson when you don't think you are worthy.

As a child, I was victimized by a neighbor. Trust me, the longer I live, the more I find out that my story is not as uncommon as I used to think. I don't know if it's a sign of the times, or what?....but molesting children isn't the posh thing of the past in today's world. Pardon my sarcasm. I'm a most bitter bitch about this.

So, anyway, I was "victimized." What a nice way of stating this....what a kind way of proclaiming the hard truth that for YEARS I was tortured, molested, degraded, and raped at the hands of one sick motha#@#$#$^ in every part of my body which could accomodate (or conversely, wasn't able to yet...because I was only 8 when it began) this asshole's penis....or whatever else he felt like sticking inside of me for kicks.

Do I sound bitter? I'm hoping that keeping this journal is going to help me--by at least allowing me to talk things out--to purge my thoughts.

I'm here to tell you that I refuse to let these occurances define WHO I AM. There is so much more to me than this.

I am the mom of four children. My eldest is 21 and no longer lives at home. She's cut off most communication, unless she needs something...and I don't hear from her for months at a time. Some free advice to all the "kids" in their 20's out there. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR PARENTS!!~! IT HURTS~!

My second child is one of the WORLD'S coolest kids. My son, Josh, is 16 and has autism. He is very high-functioning. Five minutes of conversation with him and your jaw would drop--and you would think "Where did this kid get all of these 10 cent words and how does he know how to use them?" In so many ways, my boy is a genious. However, the funny thing about autism is that these people are usually so intelligent in ways that the rest of society just does not give a shit. So, my son can talk to you like a college student, but he needs to keep his times-tables with him during math so that he can complete his algebra and geometry. Ironic, eh?

My third child is also one of the most awesome young men on this earth. I am truly in awe of my son Jake--at least once on a daily basis--and I mean REALLY impressed by him. Jake is BULLIED in school. When I say BULLIED...I don't mean just picked on now and again. Basically, the poor kid is tormented. I have offered to home school him, I have been to the school so often I should have my own reserved parking space, and I have turned into such "Super-Bitch" that they hate to see me coming. However, it continues. And what AMAZES ME about Jake is that he keeps one of the best attitudes I have ever seen. He wakes up with a smile. He doesn't feel as if he's too old to tell me he loves me. And he is learning to ignore the bullshit that kids his age are too narcissistic to ignore. He is the most beautiful kid, with awesome hair, gorgeous big brown eyes, and a great smile. But you know how kids are.....

My youngest child is what I call a "MAGNET KID." From the time Carli could walk and talk, adults fell in love with her. Now, as an infant, she was perfect (just as were my other three). But let me give you an example of how people seem to be attracted to her.

Carli can be up on stage with her entire class (say....a Spelling Bee or the Science Fair...you get the idea!) and I will have parents come to me and say: "Listen, I know MY KID is up there with YOUR KID, but I have to tell you that there is something about that child. I absolutely CANNOT take my eyes off of her. It's as if she has me mesmerized!"

So, this started years ago, and now she's 12. My sons are hugely (and mostly) interested in computer things, and also in Yu-gi-oh card collecting, trading, and playing. In total contrast, my youngest daughter is involved in so much that she keeps me going. And going. And going. Like the friggin' Energizer Bunny sometimes.

Now, let me back up by telling you that I have something called "FIBROMYALGIA." Quite frankly, when I was first diagnosed with it, I was less than impressed--because as far as I'm concerned, this is a diesase that isn't taken seriously, partially because of how many people are misdiagnosed with it. From the beginning, this disease was a catch-all for the doctors who just don't know what is wrong with their patients. Many of them are simply depressed. Others have other problems. So, this becomes an issue, because many people don't really HAVE Fibromyalgia, and therefore, the disease itself isn't taken seriously. However, it's a serious thing--and it has taken me much time even to learn about my own disease and body.

Of course, I had Fibromyalgia for AT LEAST 3 or 4 years before I was diagnosed correctly. Just the same as many people with a chronic pain disease, many times it takes a specialist. In order to get to that specialist, your family doctor has to give you a referral (THANK YOU INSURANCE COMPANIES). If the family doctor doesn't believe/know how to treat/not ignore/take lightly/(you get the idea) a patient's symptoms, or if the family MD isn't totally ON THE BALL, most people with Fibromyalgia suffer for a LONG TIME before they are taken seriously.

OK. Enough about my health. I'll bore myself (and whoever has kept reading up until now) with more of that shit in my journal area. I can't wait to talk about my upcoming surgery to place the "OCCIPITAL STIMULATOR" on 21 June 2006. Considering I live through the surgery (JUST KIDDING!) I will journal all about it!

So, you've heard about my children. I have briefly told you about Ron (which I am CERTAIN is just the way he would like it!) and I've told you a bit about myself. I think I'll let the Introduction stand for now...and if there is more that needs to be explained as I go...I will simply add an Addendum.

I'm hoping to find some friends with similar interests/situations/etc. I refuse to say "PROBLEMS," because as far as I'm concerned...I've SURVIVED these things. I'm trying to be STRONGER because of them. So, instead....I think I'll just say, instead of "PROBLEMS," they are more like "CHALLENGES" or "ISSUES."

One of my favorite sayings is "Every day above ground is a GOOD DAY." I think I'll stop with that!

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